he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
are you so shy because you have an std?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We had to coat check the pizza.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Randomize
