hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
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Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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