i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
