i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He kissed a someone with a penis
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I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
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He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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