I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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