My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
