i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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