Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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