Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
