I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
