Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
