So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
