there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Soap is not a condiment
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
