Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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