Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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