did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
3pm strippers are depressing
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
