I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
thus making me awesome and them whores
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
