The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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