I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
