but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
