is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
