I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
