is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
