Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's rum buckets o'clock
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
