I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
