Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I can't turn off my feet"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
