I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
