did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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