imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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