This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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