We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
