dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
