I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
