Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
