I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
