You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
