Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
