that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
