Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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