I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
