his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
