My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
