if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
