Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
