do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
