it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
