The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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