Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
