I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
