my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
