dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
