i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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