I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
