remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
