It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
