Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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