i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
