We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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