he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
