I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
