my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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