I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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