you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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