call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
