I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
