Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
