I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
