I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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