By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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