You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
