So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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