Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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