Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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